to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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