i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
