Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Michael Bay diarrhea
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
