dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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