I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
