My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
