$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
