I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
