girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
