guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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