Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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