im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize