did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
