Those balls look pretty dangerous.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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