It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
