I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
