do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
