Your face is a jimmy john
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
