You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
