nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
