No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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