They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
