How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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