That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
