Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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