dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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