Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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