She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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