Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
