wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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