last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
