anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
they're like a gay fantastic four
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
