Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
