My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
