Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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