I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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