Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
