About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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