so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
