Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
