dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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