i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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