Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
