New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
