How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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