i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
