My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
