i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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