as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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