I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize