he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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