I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
