if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
