Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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