I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
