Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So squirting runs in the family.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
