First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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