Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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