just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
