did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
