i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
