I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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