I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
