I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize