i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
